Remembering Audrey and Malene

Malene Fylling on her 88th birthday, September 14, 1958

My mother-in-law, Audrey Smith, loved learning about her ancestors. During her 60s and 70s, she took genealogy classes, but in her early 80s, early dementia slowed her down. Then a broken femur required surgery and an extended stay at a nursing home. Audrey balked at being in the nursing home. To help her pass the days, I interviewed her about her life. When she returned home, we continued working on her life story, and we used her genealogy research to add stories about her ancestors.

One of Audrey’s favorite relatives was her paternal great-grandmother, Malene Fylling, née Tenfjord. Audrey remembered her great-grandma as “the sweetest old lady” who was always happy to see her. When Audrey traveled with her parents from Superior, Wisconsin, to Crookston, Minnesota, Malene doted on her, giving her cookies, asking her questions, and telling her stories. When Audrey and her parents traveled to Crookston for Christmas, they ate lutefisk cooked by Malene. Audrey’s great-grandparents had a large house, so they put their Christmas tree in the middle of the living room. After dinner the family held hands, circled around the tree, and sang Norwegian and English songs, blending their old world with their new world.

Malene was born in Geiranger, Norway, on September 14, 1863. She had an eighth-grade education. On May 7, 1886, she married John Fylling. They had seven children in Norway, but a daughter died before they emigrated. I wonder what it was like for Malene to know that after she left Norway, she could never again visit her deceased daughter’s grave. After they settled in Crookston, Minnesota, she and John had two more children.

In June 1903, Malene, John, and their six children, ages 16, 12, 10, 7, 3, and 8 months, arrived in Quebec, Canada, on the SS Bavarian, a steamship owned by the Allan Line. Steamships were faster and more comfortable than sail ships, but imagine making a transatlantic crossing with six children. From Quebec they traveled to Winnipeg and applied for permission to enter the United States. Their destination was Crookston, Minnesota, where John’s brother, Ole Fylling, lived. Ole wrote to Malene and John about opportunities in Crookston. For Malene and John, having family in Minnesota eased the pain of leaving their families behind. By 1920, both Malene and John were naturalized citizens.

Economic hardship motivated Malene and John to immigrate to America. During the second half of the 1800s, Norway’s economy deteriorated. Steamships made it easier for Europeans to immigrate but also caused widespread unemployment among Norway’s shipbuilders, dockhands, and sailors. Farmers, who never had an easy time in Norway, were undercut by low-priced grain from Europe because of cheap transportation. Audrey often said, “The Norwegians had nothing but rocks.” She heard this repeatedly from her Norwegian relatives, who told her how difficult farming was in Norway.

Five generations. Seated, L to R: Audrey (Malene’s great-granddaughter); Malene; Jennifer (Malene’s great-great-granddaughter); Standing: George (Malene’s grandson); Alpha (Malene’s daughter)

Malene was forty when she came to Minnesota, but she learned to speak English. Her status on the U.S. Census was always “wife” and “homemaker.” She didn’t need to work outside the home that she and John owned by 1910. John worked as a carpenter and later had a small grocery store. After John died in 1937 at seventy-three, one of his sons ran the store. Another son and a son-in-law owned a creamery. Their youngest daughter became a bookkeeper and worked for the public school system then at her brother’s creamery. At a time when marriage was the usual occupation for women, their daughters married well and had comfortable lives. Malene and John’s dreams of a better life in Minnesota, for themselves and their children became reality.

Malene stayed in the family home after John’s death but later lived with one of her daughters in Crookston. She died in 1960 at ninety-seven. Her funeral was held at Trinity Lutheran Church, and she was buried with family at Oakdale Cemetery in Crookston.

Years later Malene and John’s home was either razed or moved (along with other homes) because the Red Lake River, which ran behind their home, flooded so often. “Imagine living on the bank of a river—a good-sized river—and watching those kids,” Audrey said—shuddering as she pictured Malene raising children near the river. But, Malene never lost any of her children to the river. Her census status as “wife” and “homemaker” may not be exciting family history, but Malene was an important force in the lives of three generations of children, most of whom made Minnesota their permanent home.

When I finished interviewing Audrey, I organized and typed up her stories. She had loads of wonderful photographs of her ancestors and family, so I was able to scan photos and add them to the book I made for her. When I finished, I took my file to a local printing shop, and they printed it on 8 ½ x 11 paper and spiral bound it. It was 257 pages. When I presented it to my mother-in-law, she thumbed through it, then looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “I can’t believe you did all this for me,” she said.

Once I saw this photo of Audrey (about 5), I knew it was the photo for her book cover. This photo captures so much of Audrey’s spirit.

“It was fun working with you on this,” I answered. What I should have told her was that she’d been the best mother-in-law a daughter-in-law could have. But neither of us were good with sentimental speeches. And we were both already choking back tears. A year later she passed away, about a month before her 87th birthday. When she started taking all those genealogy classes, it had been her dream to write a family history. I have so many fond memories of Audrey, but working with her to complete her book is my fondest memory.

16 thoughts on “Remembering Audrey and Malene

  1. Have you read the book “Giants in the Earth” by Ole Rolvaag? It’s one of my favorites in general, and definitely my all-time immigrant book. I’ve just started reading the second book in the series called “Peder Victorious.” Rolvaag’s books will help me finish the novel I’ve started about my great-grandmother and great-grandfather, who emigrated to SW Minnesota in 1905 from Norway.

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    • Thanks for the good suggestion. I love those type of books. I’m going to see if my library has it. If not, I can order it. My dream is to write a fictionalized book about my Swedish family coming to America and setting Minnesota and then Wisconsin. Good luck with your book. I hope to read yours someday!

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    • Hi, I’m Audrey’s daughter-in-law. Audrey’s father was George Selvik, who was Malene Fylling’s grandson. Alpha Fylling Selvik was George’s mother. Audrey had four children, who are all still living. Audrey was very special to me, and we shared a love of family history.

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      • I realized that I’d said all of Audrey’s children are still living. However, one of her daughters passed away four years ago, but sometimes I still think of her as being with us,

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      • Hi there! What a read and what an incredible photo of Alpha! I think they called her Alfie (Alphie?) if the lore of my mother holds true.

        You wouldn’t have any more photos of her by chance, would you? She’s my great-great grandmother; I’m currently working on Selvik. Her daughter Marie McAlpine was my great-grandmother. Alpha > Marie > Sandra Gayle Born > Jeanine; Jeanine was my mother.

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      • Hi! My mother-in-law often talked about her Aunt Marie and her cousin Sandra. I do have more pictures of Alpha and Malene. I can email them to you. I do have an email that came with your comment, so if you want, I send one to that email and you can let me know if you get it. And then I can send more.

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      • Hi again Victoria! Ah! My heart is filled just hearing those names. My mom was especially close with Marie. Sandy was a bit of a spitfire but in the best of ways. The email address associated with these comments is great whenever is convenient for you! 🙂

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  2. What a lovely gift for your mother-in-law. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful mother-in-law, too. She lived till 96. My husband is an only child.

    I arranged my mother’s memoirs of immigration—she came when she was 15 to live with and older married sister.

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